Charity is the Love of Christ
This essay only took a few hours to write while Logan and I watched the Dodger's game! Nevertheless, I was still focused on the subject because of the seriousness of the argument.
The Selfish Spouse
What makes half of all marriages in the United States fail and destroy the relationships of couples and families? How is it that fifty years ago, getting a divorce was very uncommon and almost nonexistent, yet today, people have a higher risk of getting a divorce than getting in a serious car accident. Unlike now-a-days, wives stood by their husband through and through, always fulfilling the needs of their companion first. Both companion's selflessness provided the basic requirements to keep the relationship's life strong. Again I ask: Why are 50% of marriages failing? The answer is selfishness.
Being selfish comes in many forms. Most of the time, selfishness originates from a certain lifestyle; a lifestyle rich with luxurious amounts of money. Sometimes relationships fall apart because of the love of one's self. Some people even blame falling out of love with their marital partner reason for divorce. But in basic terms, the roots of all divorces come from being selfish.
In America today, money is a number one goal in all top priority lists. We live to work and gain a high pay. So many people focus on their money, and do not realize they are destroying their marriage by being selfish. Take the following story for example.
I have a aunt and uncle in my family who seemed to have had the perfect marriage. One of the members (in this case it is the husbands) provide all the needed material needs for their family like money, housing, and vehicles. They also treat their honey with superfluous amounts of money that the only intention the wife had is to purchase her wanted and unnecessary items and activities. Even though the husband used correct selfless and charitable love propositions, which maked their spouse extremely happy for the moment, the husbands never seem to fulfill a constant emptiness in their hearts. So, he kept trying. They keep spoiling their wives to the verge of unhealthy companionship that only revolves around money. Soon after and inevitably, the cash flow stumbled when my aunts desired more than my uncles could provide. My aunts' only thoughts were, “if he is not giving me what I need, then I will find someone else who will.” The couple ended up with the big D after 20 years of marriage.
Although it would seem the divorce occurred because of money and finance problems between the couples, one must concentrate on the underlying cause: selfishness. Were they using the money correctly? Not all poor couples who barely make ends meet end in divorce for that reason. In this case the wives selfishly spend money on personal pleasure items and activities for themselves rather than saving or spending it on their provider and husband. At the same time, the husband needed to be there for his wife and lead her to make the correct decisions. But in full, his wife was at fault, yet she had not a clue! Out of mere stupidity, they put her material wants first. Instead of focusing on her companion's relationship's needs, she only had eyes for herself and let him slip through their fingers.
Sometimes it seems almost impossible to explain self-sacrifice to couples who are in dire need of it to save their relationship. It is especially tough when they have grown accustomed to a separate way of life branched off of a marriage leading to other relationships with other people and/or entertainment. Think about the trouble my brother got himself into in the following story.
After only five years of being newlyweds, a couple ventured into a life full of parties and activities in a wealthy and classy fashion. He participated in things that were looked-down-upon in his family such as long road trips away from home, excessive, drinking and gambling at least once a week. The husband was very good at gambling so he always came out on top. Pretty soon though, his wife became bored with the repetition and discontinued his accompaniment. Although, she did not disapprove of his actions since it was bringing in their lives living expenses plus more! She continued on with her wedded life as his perfect, loving and supportive wife, all while his ego soon began to get to his head and ventured into more daring gambles and even unfaithful activities. He weakened their love every time he cheated on her. Although no one could tell, he created an imbalance of love flow in their marriage. She was giving all of her heart to him blindly, while he deceived and had no respect for her.
Currently, this couple is going through a rough and challenging break-up. He is truly repentant for his actions and acknowledges her reasoning, but he does not understand exactly where it all began. How did he get to that point?
It is very hard to pin-point the beginning of selfish actions, especially when the spouse has no knowledge of his actions. In my second story, the husband had no concern or thought of his wife and her love for him. How much more selfish can he get? Diminishing all loyalty and true charitable love for his wife completely was the cause for their divorce. The unfaithful action was the reason for divorce, but the cause was selfishness.
Many divorcees blame falling in and out of love, even in long-term marriages, the reason for their decision. A group of councilors at Help-Starts-Here state some probable reasons and for divorce among new, and long-term marriages. Below I have listed their top five reasons of divorce. As you read them, do not just think, “this is why they got a divorce.” Instead ponder the reason why each activity began.
Reason number one: One person is having an affair and it is discovered. Reason number two:One person falls in love with another person. Reason number three: One spouse can no longer tolerate the abuse―verbal, physical or sexual. number four: One person matures and grows out of the marriage. number five: One partner develops serious problems that do not change. These types of problems include substance abuse, mental instability, felonies and other illegal acts.
Each of these credible accounts from the councilors at www.helpstartshere.org can be strong reasons for divorce, but each of them can be traced back to self-interest, self-indulgence, and self-love of/from one or both partners. Examples of unfaithful relationships and how selfish it is to cheat on a spouse, but as for falling in love with another person and maturing out of the marriage, ask yourself this: If you practice true love and charity in your marriage, how could you fall-out of love with your spouse and possibly fall in-love with someone else? If that were to happen, then from the beginning, you would not have truly and selflessly loved your spouse which in the end would make you selfish. If you are in a true, self-giving relationship then abuse and serious problems will never occur. You would never ever want to hurt your partner physically or mentally.
Every practical reason for divorce can be traced back to selfish reasons. Truly staying on the right path that consists of actions done only for the benefit of your partner, is the only way any marriage will withstand the American culture.
This month, June, has been a blast! Logan asked me the question I had been dreading to hear.
LOGAN: "Are you sick of me yet?"
I didn't react the way I thought I would. In fact, I laughed and told him the truth.
STEPHANIE: "Nope! Are you sick of me yet?"
Can you guess what he said?
LOGAN: "Yes! I'm finally learning your craziness and it's crazy that you are so crazy!"
HA HA HA HA!!
Of course he was joking around! (When we read this thirty years from now, I'm sure he'll tell me he wasn't joking around haha!)